Big Personality
Dan died a few weeks ago. Hopefully in his sleep. He was a strange combination of phantom figure and happy-go-lucky sidekick. Working-class tennis player, elegant and handsome, but a little rough around the edges, gay but also running away from whatever "gay" means, while running toward self-destruction and loneliness. A laugh riot, but he could also turn the meanest nastiest gaze on you, and his fury could get so concentrated and petty you would have to block him out just to stay on this side of sane. Big personality, like gameshow-host big, stand-up-comedian big, but also someone always on the outskirts of where he was, and where he wanted to be. I don't think he ever found a place where he wanted to be actually, hell, where he could be. Existence for him was fraught with dangers and connections he never spoke about. Just acted from. There was a personal mystery he was involved in, on the other side of what he could show people, and I think sometimes he